My 2012 Resolution

Its 2:00a.m in the morning, the date is the 1st of January 2012, I look at the bottom right corner of my laptop just to make sure it also registered as well. I just got home not too long ago from church, finished all the screaming and praying, sweating and dancing, hugging and greeting, wishing everyone including those I don’t know a happy new year. Everyone is thankful for the chance to experience yet another year, even though some where scared (okay maybe majorly me) because of the BH bomb treat, we still wore smiling faces to mask a blend of our joy and fear. Sounds of knock out fill the air, security men chasing boys throwing them causing an early morning comic relief.
Its amazing how one second can make a total difference, how one second can unite the whole world even though we’re on different time zones, we all share one common greeting; “happy new year”. (Still waiting for when we’ll embrace the American culture of kissing someone or anyone at the stroke of midnight).
For that brief moment all our worries are gone, life feels like its giving you a second chance, the last one second and the other 31535999 seconds that came before it, just don’t seem to matter, what matters now is the next 31536000seconds, next 525600mins, next 8760hours, 365days, 52weeks, 12months, the next 1year. Our mental clock starts ticking.
We are quick to make resolution, quick to try and kill off old habits, we make promises we hope and pray to keep. Some people see it as an opportunity to change/turn their whole life around.
Really! You think one second has the power to reverse a whole previous millions of seconds! It could try, but trust me, it’s only for the moment, and it’s only till the greeting “happy new year” runs dry. It may take a day, may take two, may even take weeks to try and live up to the resolution, but in time, we all fall. Fall to the demands of life; fall to the demands of our own greed, and selfish nature, fall to the will of our old habits. In truth, “old habits die hard”.
So why bother resolve when in the end you’ll just feel the fool, why make a promise you wont keep? Just like making babies, it takes 5mins to make one, but a life time to train it. It takes simple words to make a resolution but takes discipline, dedication, and hard work to live up to them. The one resolve I can advice to resolute is to resolve not to have a resolution. You want to make a change in life, don’t wait for the final second to start making that change, start when u know you mean it, start when you believe you can live up to it, start not because it has to be symbolic, like a new year change, but do it because you know in your heart of hearts it’s the right thing, and make sure you have help, cause on your own, you’re helpless, but with the help (man or God) you stand a chance.
I’m not saying New Year resolutions are bad, I’m just saying you’ll be back next year making the same resolution you did this year.
Happy New Year people

letter to santa

December 24th 2011,
Dear Santa,
It’s the eve of Christmas, the air is filled up with the joy and excitement, the smell of gun powder from knockouts is fused with the dusty smell of the dry season, families Christmas lights and music over shadowed by the blaring sound of generators, giving bliss and harmony only to surrounding keen ears. Sisters, mothers, aunties all in the kitchen prepping the food for the day to come, kids are excited for a chance to exceed the usual bed time deadline, taking the opportunity to brag about their expected Christmas gift. Fathers, men, older brother, uncles surround tables of snacks to nibble, washed down with drinks of preference, sharing talks and tales of the year past, while some are fixated on the television. Without a doubt the knowledge of the coming day, the reason and expectation is in the air and lingering behind everyone’s mind. Some thinking about the stress of making it fun from the kitchen, some about the strain it puts on their pockets just to see that smile on the faces of loved ones, and some without a care in the world, just waiting for the combination of the joy of the day.
But for some folks, they take that time to reflect on their present situation and compare to this same time last year, which is exactly what I’m doing right about now; writing your white fake *beep*. Last year was the end of me believing in you, this year I’ve taken things into my own hand, definitely not going to write you a list of what I want, cause its been proven that you’re the worst(and still the best) fraudster ever. Selling fake dreams to kids, telling them u leave in the North Pole, sliding down chimneys with you oversized tummy, talking about flying reindeers pulling sledges. Really!!! Don’t buy that story anymore. What I do believe in are the people around me that show me love, and are there for you when you want and need them.
People who are going to wake up tomorrow, enter the kitchen selflessly and prepare me roasted chicken with mushroom and herb stuffing, dipped in wine sauce to go with the all famous fried rice and barbeque sauces, green vegetable salad, and grilled pork chops. An aunty who has already delivered a self baked 3layer chocolate, strawberry and vanilla cake going down with creamy ice cream, there’s also minced pie or Christmas pudding just in case. Try sending that down my chimney you big fat *beep*.
You think you’re the only one who gives gifts? Well I have news for you; I’ve got my own personal Santa – ME! I got me a puppy for Christmas, friends suggested I name him after you, I said “not even if it was the last name in the world and my life depended on it”, my wardrobe is taking a new turn thanks to some lovely people, and for once I really didn’t bother to want anything for Christmas, and guess what? Its paying off because every gift I’ve gotten and would get would truly be appreciated.
You’ve taught me Christmas doesn’t evolve around red, white and green; it revolves around those you love and love you back, forming a chain and bond that ties us through till the next season. My point is we don’t really need you after all, you just a sick old psycho that feed on hopes and dreams. I also really do hope you took my advice from my last letter.
But just in case you do have a change of heart, you know where I leave. I’m not asking for anything, just surprise me, but just for tips a bold 5 or iphone 4OS would be lovely. Merry Christmas

Dear Santa 2......................AGAIN

Dear Santa,
Really don’t know why I bothered, really don’t, but I’m still pushed to write to you again. It wont feel right if I didn’t thank you, thank you for leaving up to my expectations of you, thank you for confirming my opinion, thank you for nothing, for crushing my expectations, for making me finally realize that you are a fat white potbellied racist. I really thought I stood a good chance of being on you list of people to visit. Even gave out my neighbourhoods secret to hunt out Rudolf, but being the back stabbing prick you are, you skipped my place. But hey, I don’t hold it against you. I really don’t, but so you know you’ve gone down in my book as a fraud and scam artist.
You actually thought you could wreck my Christmas by not showing up, didn’t you? well I’m sorry but my Christmas was still fun with out you stupid presents, I may not have gotten any gift from you, but I still got some from people who believe in me and know I’m worth something. Didn’t get the blackberry, zune, camera, PS3 or even the date, but I still got my new wardrobe and accessories, you hear that…….i got presents from my own personal Santa and they sure ain't white, fat, hairy and over weight. So with all inborn energy I say, YOU LOSE!
In the end I got to realise that Christmas doesn’t circle round you, matter of fact you are what you are because we give you that yard stick, but not anymore for me. For me my Christmas is about being with those that give a rats ass about me, that also believe that the best we can be is when we are together under one roof exchanging laughs, smiles and good times. This I guess would be my new message, and my aim for 2011, …..to put you out of business. Good luck to you trying slide down chimneys, you just might be landing in a snare or be charged for breaking in and entry. See how you’ll survive behind bars, you’ll be turned into someone’s white b***H. As for you reindeers, my target practise just increased. Next season we’ll be having roast deer for supper. You’ll go from HOHOHO to NONONONO.LOL
I’ll definitely have the last laugh and trust me it won’t sound like HOHOHOHOHOHO
Yours Truly
Your biggest fan

WHO AM I

WHO AM I?
When asked, “In one word describe yourself”, one never finds the one perfect word to describe self, not even two. Self description is like a bottomless pit.
Who am I?
A lucid question with infinite definition, judging from the fact that every human is everything including complex, that’s why till today we still study self to figure out why we are and who we are. How then would you be able to describe self when self itself is totally confusing?
Who am I?
Is “I” a creation of self or an accumulation of various factors? Definitely not a creation of self, for self in its true nature is dependent, dependent on others, how then can self be SELF when self never really is SELF but a reflection of probable self. If an accumulation then “I” can’t be defined by self but by the factors that determine “I”. No matter how “I” thinks, “I” is shaped and modeled not by self but life, substance, environment, peers, religion, friends, politics, institutions, states, countries and many more. So how then can I know who I am when I evolve with every given factor. If change is the only constant then “I” is a variable, if “I” can’t be an island, then “I” is a cosmopolitan city, “I” in its true nature is complex, irrational, unstable, unpredictable and above all confused. For what “I” is today wouldn’t be the same the next day. “I” hates rock today, tomorrow “I” is rocking Avril Lavigne, “I” prefers tall, slim dark and cute/handsome next day “I” is with average, fair, plus size and cute. “I” doesn’t like fish, next night “I” is in line at point-and-kill with cute/handsome, average and plus size. Movies are boring; over the weekend “I” is at the cinema. What is the big deal about the BB? Next month “I” has a numb finger from pinging. And it goes on.” I”, an insatiable evolving being with no defined face, moulded by its past, only sure of the present and elusive of the future. How then can I base my definition when the outcome of my tomorrow is unknown?
Who am I?
I am not what I am but what you make me to be, not by the totality of my choice but by the chances and circumstances that come my way, by the integration of different and other “I”s. I am only what I am by choice, choices made from what is given, which I have no control over, Thank God for choice. My true definition comes only with the present and similar circumstances, after which a pattern could be deduced but doesn’t mean irrational changes can’t be made when different variables create same situation. Example: “ I”, doesn’t cheat, but what happens when “I” is in a tight spot and passing means cheating? Would I still be “I”, or would I evolve to be a different “I”? Its clear and obvious that the characterizing factor determining “I” are the choice “I” makes, be it good or bad, wrong or right, slow or fast, positive or negative.
Who am I?
I could be one that makes the right choices, I could be one that makes wrong choices, or I could be the one that mixes both right and wrong choices to create a distinct “I”. Choices that make “I” feel in control and responsible, but in reality “I” is never in control, if it was, words like fate and destiny would be alien to the dictionary, but words like satisfaction, regret, fulfillment that gives “I” hope of control and responsibility. If “I”, a one word could be so complicated, what happens when “I” progresses to ME, WE, YOU, THEM, OTHERS and eventually EVERYBODY. I guess we could only find out if WE understand “I”, then WE can move on to YOU, OTHERS and eventually EVERYBODY…..God help WE.

In one word “WHO AM I?” COMPLEX

My Birthday

Its almost 4.00pm as I pull close to my house, I know this because the beautiful voice on radio just announced that immediately after One Republic’s Secrets the 4 O’clock news would be read. I really wasn’t feeling happy, to think about it, really couldn’t remember why I was feeling grumpy, one thing I do remember was the date, the date was 14th January, my birthday. So far all I know is the time, date and how I felt, not a good way and time to be feeling the way I felt.

I get to my gate, hoot me horn and wait for my sister to open, two minutes passed before I remembered my sister was off at school. Damn! With my foul mood I descend and let my self in, dogs wagging its tail awaiting the usual ruffle greeting, but my mood’s a killer the poor things’ senses pick it up, its tail shrivel between it hind legs. Mum’s cars parked, why didn’t she come help me with the gate? Didn’t really care, I let myself in, walked into my room, stripped to my boxers, got me a bottle of water and walked into the sitting room………………….SURPRISE!!!!!!! I almost wet my pants, actually I did, I spilled the bottle of water on me and down to my pants.

What I saw was beyond my wildest imagination, my mum, brother, sisters, couple of friends and even my dream girlfriend all in front of me surprising me with a birthday party. Like a quick flash back in movies, I had a quick flood of emotions, from grumpy, to shock, rush of embarrassment and finally an elation of joy, happiness and love. They threw me a birthday party and I was surrounded by people close to me. There was food drinks. Music and then there was cake. My mum came in with a candle lit cake that lit up the whole room and was singing the all famous happy birthday song. For some reason everyone’s lips where moving but I could only hear my mum’s voice, then in the middle of the song she asked “are you still sleeping?” Odd! Why would she ask that when I was standing right in front of her. Her next move shocked me; she freed her right hand and tapped me on the shoulder saying “wake up, birthday boy wake up”. I soon realized why everything was too good to be true, I was asleep, I finally woke up. The birthday song was real, my mum was singing it, the candle light also was real, but it sat on a candle stand not on a cake. It was 6.30am, 14th January and PHCN was holding power.

The time is 6.35am and the date is 14th January. Today is my birthday, not yesterday, not tomorrow, but today. What was, was all just a dream, its 6.35am I’m psychic because today’s the one day my phone would actually ring more than twice. Text messages would pour in, my facebook page would be a side attraction. I might be home alone with my mum but nothing stops my dream from coming true. I have breakfast and head out; unconsciously I’m dressed the same way I was in my dream, cant call that coincidence, more like me walking in the direction of my dream becoming a reality. Like expected my facebook page’s bleeding out wishes, my phones constantly ringing, some friends are kept on call waiting, I even got a message from my pastors. Time check now is 3.30pm and still I’m all smiles. Seen a couple of friends, had a couple of drinks, still don’t see why my mood would turn grumpy. 3.45pm I stop to buy a bottle of wine, I select a bottle head for the counter to pay; that would be N700 the cute cashier said. That’s when it turned south, I couldn’t find my wallet. Damn it! I think I left it at the bar. There goes my ATM, drivers’ license, cash. I called my guys but none of them had seen it. Feeling all grumpy and mad I drive home. Then I hear a familiar voice on the radio saying something about the news at 4.00pm. That’s when it hit me, I’ve been waiting for my sister to come open the gate but she wasn’t home, she was back in school. It hit me immediately that this was me leaving my déjà vu. My dream was coming true. Grumpy mood – check! Voice on the radio – check! Waiting at the gate – check! Alright man. Try not to jinx this, stay grumpy, but I couldn’t. I drove into the compound, mum’s car packed - double check! Dog wagging tail waiting for usual greeting – triple check. I couldn’t believe my streak of faith. With all composure I let myself into the house didn’t bother changing, headed straight for the sitting room, calculating how surprised I should be, I entered and BAM! I was greeted by an empty house, No surprise, no brother, sisters, mum friends or even my dream girlfriend. Just like in the dream, I had a quick flood of emotions, but different, my excitement turned to shock, then disappointment and finally sadness. Dreams, that’s what it was all, mare dreams. So I picked my sulking self, went to my room and slept.

The time is 6.30pm and I hear my mum singing the birthday anthem, I see a candle light coming close to my bed………not again, not another dream? Wake up son, come make a wish. I open my eyes only to see the candles sitting on a cake, my mum alone, with a wine in hand. This was no dream; my mum got me a cake and gave me my wallet. Told me a friend dropped it off while I was sleeping, apparently I left it in his room when I dropped him off and picked up his MI2 CD. My lips with quick reflex carve out a big clown smile, this wasn’t my dream exactly, but it just had to do. I did get my surprise and my cake, with a card addressed from my brother, sisters and friends….no dream girlfriends.

We sat down at the candle lit dining table sipping wine and nibbling on cake and Tobleron, with MI2 playing “nobody” at the background. I’m all smiles, it couldn’t have ended any better, or so I thought.

My phone rings,

Unknown number;

“Happy birthday dear” the voice said;

HORSE S**T!!!!

It was my dream girlfriend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

DEAR SANTA

Dear Santa,
It’s funny how it’s only this time of the year you become relevant, I mean, I never ever think of you through out the whole year. Maybe it because for some reasons in the last 10 years I haven’t gotten a gift from you, now why is that?
You definitely can’t say I haven’t been good these past years. Or is it because we moved and no longer live on the top floor, and our house doesn’t have a chimney?
How do you ever fit into chimneys with your excess fat and sagging stomach, haven’t you heard of something called a gym? I mean you go around carrying your big fat belly around encouraging fathers that it looks cool. I guess you also drink too much beer that’s why, so which is your brand? Star, 33, Gulder? naa you look like a Heineken man. Do me a favour, go hit the gym and while you’re at it, stop at the barbers place. They just might mistake you for a terrorist climbing people’s roofs.

I left the doors open last year hoping you’ll think it wise not to pass my house by since I don’t have a chimney, but I guess the excess fat’s getting your brains clogged. (No offence).
Or could it be because the last time you landed Rudolf and the other reindeers (never figured out their names) on the roof, my neighbours saw it as an opportunity for free Christmas game kill and tried out their stoning practise on the deers hoping for free meat? Poor Rudolf! One would think that by now you’d have caught up with the 21st century and bought yourself a cool set of wheels and quit messing up peoples roofing sheets, you do realise people in Nigeria/Ibadan use zinc, which really is noisy so when you land, you wake the whole neighbourhood, which gives up your position and once again you become target practise.

Rumour has it that traps have been set for you on roofs and instead of stones like the last time, security men have been equipped with hunting rifles, its tagged “operation shoot to kill”, and who ever gets to kill or trap Rudolf gets his red nose and head.
So I advice you tried wheels, don’t go for low cars, try the SUV’s or sienna, they have enough room for you and the gifts, hey I could even hook you up with a good deal. If you’re game you know how to find me.

Speaking of gifts, you really do owe me all these lost years and have to make up, also I’m going out here risking my neck by telling you the plans they have for your deer and saving your red behind so you really need to step up and show me some attic love.
My list it really isn’t much just the basic,
1st of all I need a bb, not blue band I mean a black berry, sick of chicks asking me for a pin, running out of lines to tell them. BB bold 9700
2. An Ipad Wi-Fi 16GB tablet
3. Zune
4. Skate board…….i don’t know how too, but would be cool to carry one in my back pack.
5. Nikon D5000 digital camera
6. TAG Heuer or a Casio G- shock
7. PS 3 and make sure it comes with Call of Duty: Black Ops game
8. A date with Kim kardashian or Nicki Minaj
9. A new wardrobe, with all the basics and essentials
Finally my last gift is for you…..buy a clipper for me but you can keep it, you need it more than I do. And make sure you use it; you need a serious total make over, probably should try a Mohawk or weave. Don’t you watch E TV or The Style Network TSN? You need to go watch them, start with TSN, watch “How Do I Look”, then get some style tips from E TV. Lose that big fluffy red and white costume you wear and replace it with a suit. Trust me you’ll look more like an entrepreneur/CEO than some weirdo climbing into people’s house to toy with kids. You just might beat Brad Pitt to the father of the year award if you take my advice.

Anyway don’t say I never wrote you this year and didn’t show you love, once again my house would be the only one without a zinc roof and with the generator on, not expecting PHCN to be nice that day. Would put a sign board for you just in case and the spare house key is under the mat. So you don’t have an excuse for miss my house.
Don’t forget, gym, change your wardrobe, wheels, salon, and please quit the way you laugh, kids now know the slang word whore, so when you go HOHOHOHOHO, it sound pretty much like whorewhorewhore…….lol, sorry had to add that, really funny joke I heard.

Merry Christmas Santa, would be on the look out for you on the eve of Christmas.

FIVE FINGERS

    And it was that God created man, and we where seen in His eyes as being created in His own image. An image which we can’t really say what is, for man and woman even though we think we are the same, we are different. You wouldn’t expect me to spell out the difference for you for we all have eyes to spot the difference but yet we are meant to be in His image. Would you now say God is Man or Woman? I guess we would all find out at the end. My guess is the image we speak of is not the physical, but spiritual.

  The real question is “where we all equally created?” do you feel all man was created equal and given the same opportunities in life? Don’t answer just yet, hear me out before you jump off you horse.

If the answer is yes, why do we have Man and Woman? What would you say about those born with silver/platinum spoons compared to those with no spoon at all? People with no history of bad health and those whose best vacation are when they leave their hospital beds to visit neighbouring patients? Those who see drinking soft drinks as a luxury and best form of relaxing and those who’s sense of relaxing starts with crossing oceans and boarders. Or people who only sweat when working out and those who cherish the standing fans in their living rooms? People whose lives have a mapped out blue print with prospects and those who don’t even know what will be of them in the next hour? People who dare not have a bank account because saving for them is not in their dictionary and people whose money make up the bank funds or need more than a bank to hold their assets? You see the list could go on and on, in the end you realize not all fingers are equal. Would you tell a child born in the slumps of Sudan that he’s equal to the child born in the swamps of Warri? One has more privileges than the other, so how then would you say they be equal? Why do you have beggars begging you on the streets?

  Two close friends graduate from the same department same year with same grades, but one gets a job immediately after while the other waits years before he ends up giving in to fate, why? Because the latter comes from a well stocked family and the other’s family struggled even to send him to school. Now one’s a CEO the other driving buses for a living. How equal would you call that.

  If you feel man to be equal, why are you guilty of one time wishing you where born in another country or even to another family, wish you where white, or adopted by Brad and Angelina? Why there are sins called envy, jealousy and contempt? Isn’t inequality the root of these sins? Why is money the root of all evil if it’s not because the Have not try to have and the Haves try to have more? 

   I’ll tell you words that wouldn’t be if we where equal, words like opportunity, chance, luck, winner, loser, rich, poor etc.

Not matter what we feel, in the real sense of it we all are not equal, the inequality is what creates the balance, it’s what makes the whole essence of life meaningful, none of your fingers are equal, and even with the variance in height they all have their specific functions and together they make up the hand which on then becomes a meaningful appendage. There’s more to buff my reasons which I’ll explain but not now, definitely in the part two of these, but I’ll love to know your own notion. Do you think you’re equal to the next man beside you? If you where to compare yourself to the five fingers, which one would you be?