Ibadan's White and Blue

Ibadan, oldest city down this side of Nigeria, the one state believed to still spend coins, having the largest land spread of red zinc roofs, a social life that shuts down by 8pm, a sanitation that has finally improved and finally the all famous “it was white and blue” buses. Now that my friends is the 8th wonder of the world, the holy grail of road transport in Nigeria. If you were looking for Charon the ferry man for Hades, an Ibadan bus would do just fine i.e. once you’re in it; it’s safe to say you have a death wish, better yet, signing your own death sentence. I choose to believe praying in buses before travelling originated from commuters in Ibadan buses, one look at the outside and then the inside, fills your mouth with bile, and the only resolve you have is to turn spiritual because that’s your saving grace, your judge, advocate and jury. I for one have reasons to spit this evil dangerous motorized scrap metal on wheels, two incidents, with the latter still fresh on my memory have transpired, the first happened eight years ago.

 I stepped into a bus heading for work, sat at the back; would you believe the driver used cow rope to tie the rear end side of the bus to the boot; meaning if he untied the rope the whole back would come off, I looked down and saw a big hole in the floor, I was literally staring at the axial of the bus with oil spilling out. The man beside me reading my mind shook his head and made a comment to the driver in Yoruba in a tone that sounded like he was mocking the driver. Next thing I heard was a loud bang, the bus lost control, I looked down to see the axial had broken, so also did the rear wheels which sent the bus door flying off like some action movie. Immediately this happened everyone started screaming “blood of Jesus” and saying last prayers (like the first one they said before entering was not enough).

 Now under these circumstances, you would think I’d join in and say a few words too, but noooo, I was looking around and sipping in people’s reactions. One really caught my eye, after the bus door fell off, the lady sitting by the door probably had an epiphany; “why stay and wait for the bus to collide with another bus when the door is wide open jumping would be a really good idea” and so she jumped out of a moving bus going at about 80km/hr downhill I couldn’t help but turn around to watch this woman rolling down the hot coal tar road. Luckily for us and her I might add no vehicle was ahead of us nor behind so she was not run over. In the end only Lucy Liu who jumped out of a moving bus got hurt. It’s only in Ibadan buses that you see drivers using a 5 litre gallon as fuel tank, where the exhaust shares a spot with you in the back seat. Long before Renault, Honda, or even Ford thought about push to start cars, they already had invented the door bell push to start means of starting cars. The inside is like staring at a skinned human beings’ skeletal structure, all you see is decaying rusty scrap metal that has some funny blended smell of dried blood, goat, tomatoes and damp clothes. Some even have artificial sunscreen roof; you’d hate yourself if it were to rain and you where caught inside, you’d rather the rain drenched you than the annoying continuous dripping water that keeps tapping your head and probably staining your dress from the washed up rust. A friend of mind once joked that the holes you find in the floor of the buses were wide enough for drivers to stick their legs through and use as an emergency brake, I like to believe it’s possible.

It’s only in Ibadan buses seat belts are deem hazardous, they don’t recoil back into their compartments. So if an accident should happen you stand a chance of being strangled by the rope, well that is if the exhaust doesn’t kill you first. A guy was involved in an accident and was rushed to the hospital. On getting to a hospital he died, after an autopsy cause of death was not from accident complications but from carbon poisoning, was later confirmed that the buses that rushed him to the hospital had its exhaust pipe at the back seat.

 I still don’t think I’ve ever seen bus with a complete dash board, or with an odometer or a complete set of windows, it’s usually a mixture of glass, plastic and nylon. Most windows are either permanently up or down because they all don’t have a winder. Some bus door locks come with bolts to secure them or a bent metal rod, and in most cases its only the driver or conductor that can shut and open the doors unless you have years of experience with the pull lift and slam mechanism. The window wipers look like a starved Somalian, no wiper just the metal. During most heavy rains the driver parks and waits for the rain to cool off, or attaches a rag to the wiper handle to serve as a wiper. The seats are natural recliners because they are not fastened to the floor, take my advice do not wear a bright colour outfit into an Ibadan bus, Hypo would not do the trick for you trust me.

  My second experience in an Ibadan bus happened October 8th 2012, I was travelling from Ibadan to Lagos, and the bus was speeding as if the driver’s girlfriend told him her parents just left the house for a bit so he should hurry over. 30 minutes into the journey the bus drops down like it had been amputated. The driver lost control and bus went somersaulting for about 5 to 6 times. I tell you this; it was really really extremely scary. Action movies accident scenes with the passenger screaming are the only way I can describe it. People turned spiritual, so did I. I didn’t have any Lucy Liu to look out for because I had my life flashing in front of my eyes, and not the life I had lived but the life I’d be missing if I ended 6 feet under. As quick as it started, it ended. The bus skid to a halt at the side of the road upside down and with all the adrenaline pumping in my veins I jumped out from the side, not wanting the car to go kaboom. I started running, then suddenly remembering my blackberry and laptop I ran back (yeah yeah, I did it). In the end, bus did not explode. How the crowd gathered and from where I don’t know. I came out with only a finger wound; five people were seriously hurt, including some chick I was eyeing. What happened to the driver you might ask? Disappeared, without a trace; no one saw the dude. Now to what caused the accident, the freak used a rope to tie the propeller (that long rod under the car that holds the front and back wheels). Who does that? ONLY IBADAN'S WHITE AND BLUE